They all think I don't remember.That I don't have a clue.It's all a lie.I wish I couldn't remember is a more accurate statement.I can even cite some of my memories, they're so burned into my mind.
I don't dare tell anyone.
I'm ashamed.Disgusted with myself.Now you might think it's self pity- but again, that's not it as well.
It's guilt.
It's drowning me, consuming me, already ignited within me such self loathing that I can't breath.I wish I could take it all away.
But I can't.
And I'm broken because of it.
It's all because of Him.
I remembered all. Because. Of. Him.
And I Hate Him because of it...
Except... when I don't.
I was so innocent when I woke up that day.Not knowing anything or anyone.The naivety was bliss. Like being bundled in layers and layers of cotton.
Some days I think about drowning myself so that I'll forget.I'll wake up and I'll be in the hosiptal.Faces that should seem so familiar to me would be so foreign to my mind, my heart.
Maybe it would take everything away.I could start over again.
Or I could just kill myself.
That's when I shake my head.I can't do that.
I have to live my life for someone else.A person from my past.If I don't then everything was in vain.All the horror in my life.
After I achieve my goal then I don't know what I'm going to do though.
I might just allow myself to sink into Eternal Darkness then.
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